I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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