to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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