Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
