we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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