i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
