We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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