He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
