I have demons in me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
