Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
