I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
two words: eviction party
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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