Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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