i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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