his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
