There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
