Already got asked if we're dating
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
