i love accidental penises.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
