Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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