im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize