I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
