i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
