I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
