I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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