he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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