Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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