i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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