I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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