So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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