we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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