He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
