failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
