Are we in a gay sports bar?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
