a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
