tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
