Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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