i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
