Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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