haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
