I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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