well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
