She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
