This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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