i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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