Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
