My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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