my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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