I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
