I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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