Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my being single is dangerous.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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