I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
