So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
