In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
