You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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