Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
