you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
