Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
