friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize