The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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