I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
