I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
