How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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