I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
