she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
