Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
