Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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