so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
