tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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